He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
