I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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