How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
