just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
