i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
