Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Help. Why am I so naked?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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