A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
