Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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