It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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