Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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