good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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