Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
