Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
