Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
