You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
