Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you repeat that, but with context?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
