You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The best revenge is premature balding
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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