I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
