We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
