He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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