sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
