Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
