so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
