Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
