i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have aggressive nipples.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
