Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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