A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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