you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
