Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
