she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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