too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
