Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
