If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
