I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
