i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
