Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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