Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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