So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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