someone threw a dead crab at me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
