i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
