she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
