6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
