We're like a lot better than the average bears
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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