I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
