That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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