i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
