Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
