Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
