I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
