And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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