She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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