There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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