That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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