Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
