Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
