was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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