It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
