well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
