so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
