Sponge bath it is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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