I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
