some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
