just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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