I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
