I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
