i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
