Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
