you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
