glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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