What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
