dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
