quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
