She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Buhtt sex?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
