"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
