i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
