is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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