if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i barfeds in our rink
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
